Desi Manifesto Blog: The Forum for South Asian American Men

Apparently, it’s not what’s in the ‘burrito,’
it’s who’s ‘delivering’ it that counts.

[Blogger: S.I.] Welcome to the first edition of the Desi Dose. We usually have a lot of content to share, but it’s not always enough for a full post. So we’ll compile the salient bits of info and links and send them your way as a digest (how many of you thought of Archie comics when you heard that? The Double Digests were a staple of summers in India).

The premiere edition:

* A mini entry into the Coolie Files. Reader P’s story of “the burrito”: P is an Indian guy in his early to mid 20s in LA. Works in a corporate-ish building, though his company is relatively relaxed in dress code.

During lunch break, he grabbed some food to go and made his way back to the office. As he rode the elevator up, bag with food in hand, the door opened and another building worker (different company) entered…

“Well she was a white woman probably in her late 30s. I was coming up from the parking garage and the door opened on the ground floor, I was about to step off but then I stopped and realized it was the wrong floor. She got on the elevator, looked at me and smiled, then said: “Let me guess, you’re delivering a burrito?”

I just smiled and said “No, actually its sushi. Close!”

She kind of nodded to herself as if she was disappointed that she had guessed incorrectly.

[Posted by S.I.] The following is a decidedly melancholy stream-of-consciousness rant on recent events in Asia:

Terrible couple of weeks for large swaths of Asia, from the South to the East to the Southeast. Whether it was Cyclone Nargis bludgeoning Burma (though perhaps the ruling military junta’s indignant stance is the greater tragedy as her people suffer), the 7.9 magnitude quake in central China, or the terrorist attacks in Jaipur, India, this has been a devastating and shitty month for the most populous regions of the world.

As upbeat as I am, I’m a realist, and right now, I’m realistically at a loss. We’ll always be under nature’s thumb. We can build it farther away, higher or lower, stronger, and safer, and eventually she’ll find a way to break it. That’s life.

But the real toll is in the Sisyphus-esque struggle these people go through. Disaster strikes, thousands upon thousands die, access is blocked either physically or by those in power, supplies are limited, governments are incapable, people suffer, money trickles in, those in charge embezzle it or spend it foolishly, and by the time the downtrodden regain a semblance of order, it happens again.

NBA superstar Kevin Garnett at the Taj in 2006.

[Blogger: S.I.] Basketball is my favorite sport to such an extent that, when visiting India, I’d often wake up around 5:30AM in order to catch the games being played in the US at that moment. Despite the garbled transmissions, occasional lost signals, and incessant commercials for cricket (which hilariously was made to look rough-and-tumble), I enjoyed it, because this was one of the few connections India had to basketball and the NBA.

Things are changing. Across India and the world, there is more love for basketball than ever. You see it in the public hoops being set up (though they remain few and far between). In the kids’ fashions. The commercials.

And soon, those of you in New Delhi will see some basketball firsthand, as the NBA is coming to India for Basketball Without Borders.

Aside from discovering our own 7-foot Punjabi Yao Ming wandering the countryside (Dalip Singh Rana aka The Great Khali just wasn’t built for bball), this is one way to better our chances of having someone in the NBA someday.

But of greater concern for David Stern and the Association: will this initiative even work?

Jindal and his constituency. Thank you to the New York Times.

[Guest Blogger: Cajun Desi] On January 14, 2008, Piyush “Bobby” Jindal was sworn in as the 55^th Governor of the State of Louisiana. Jindal is the first non-white governor in Louisiana history since the bi-racial P.B.S. Pinchback assumed the governorship during Reconstruction. Jindal is also the first elected Indian-American governor in U.S. history as well as only the second Asian-American governor in the history of the continental U.S. Previously, Jindal was a two-term U.S. Representative for Louisiana’s 1^st Congressional District based in the New Orleans suburbs. He was only the second Indian-American in Congress since Dalip Singh Saud in the 1950s.

As an Indian man living in Louisiana for many years, I have often been asked, by members of all races, what my thoughts on Bobby Jindal are. I tend to hate answering such questions because I often feel doing so plays into the notion that there exists some monolithic Indian-American voting bloc. The media especially loves promoting such angles. For example, virtually all blacks are Democrats, born-again evangelicals are by necessity Republicans, and so on and so forth. In some cases these views are justified (virtually all blacks, for good reason, are Democrats). But what I think of Jindal has little to do with my being Indian. What I think of him is really based on that one universal question that all responsible citizens should ask themselves when deciding between political candidates: Where does he stand on the issues that I care deeply about?

What you don’t see is his umbilical cord, still attached to mama.

[Blogger: S.I.] The other day, my buddy Bala224 (whom you all know by now) sent me an interesting advice column called ‘Dear Prudence’ on Slate.com. In it, Prudie did not live up to her namesake, advising the conflicted young Indian male ‘Curry and French Fries’ to stand up to his parents, who had been ice cold towards the idea of his white girlfriend.

Despite her picture frightening me (she looks like a woman who stared at me in horror in West Virginia when I stopped for gas on my way through), I applaud her response. The title of our post, which actually was the title of her post, was a good sign that her advice might be worthwhile. You’ll see she advocates that ‘Curry’ stand up to his parents to support the woman he loves, whether they like it or not.

Bala224 and I dished out our advice on the matter as well, in our typically offensive (but somewhat enlightening) fashion.

Spoiler alert: lots of references to people being genitals, needing genitals, etc.

In old uncle’s chiding voice, as he is unable to avert his eyes from
the TV: “All these bloody Western values!”

[Blogger: S.I.] Somehow, a degree of Westernization my feeble mind never grasped was the concept of cheerleaders in India. Not even the idea that it probably wouldn’t work. This was so far from the realm of possibility that it never occurred to me, period.

Well, it’s happening, and the Washington Redskins appear quite proud of it, sending their spirit squad to Indian cricket matches. While there are plenty of Indians in DC, the ‘Skins would prefer to take their ‘world vision’ to the subcontinent. I guess they decided to cover both sets of Indians, one with their team name and the other on this goodwill trip that most likely will become a disaster, international incident, or both (just look at the faces of the men in the crowd, and thanks to the Washington Post for the pic). Of course, the ‘Skins have partnered with the Indian Premier League, so the idea wasn’t their brilliance alone.

Do they have any idea what they’re in for? I feel like you have to give any visitors from Western countries an intense three month course on what to expect when you go to India, bad and good. Doubly so when the visitors are female.

But what effect will this recruiting trip have on India and her young women?

I grimace at the possible outcomes. And most of them make me want to jeer, rather than swell up with a scantily dressed sense of pride.

[Blogger: S.I.] This past Thursday, NBC aired an episode of “The Office.” And while that show has slipped so far down the crapper that no creative plunger can retrieve it, I found myself thoroughly pleased. Because of a GE commercial that aired during the show (it should be noted that General Electric owns NBC).

This advertisement starred Indians, depicted India, and portrayed elements of Indian culture.

And to my complete shock, it didn’t suck. In fact, it was very well executed and showed awareness.

I think I’m getting soft.

[Blogger: S.I.] So we’re all aware of the typically Hollywood, over-the-top premise of The Love Guru and why it could (should, and probably will) offend Hindus and Indians in general.

The filmmakers and studio, Paramount, say that they mean only to make people laugh, not to insult anyone. But I’d say that, in theory, a goofy white guy who sexualizes all aspects of Hinduism probably falls on the “offensive” side for a group that almost never sees itself on TV or in films in the USA. The above preview alone included:

*Mike Myers as “Pitka,” the horny priest / swami / sadhu / religious figure.
*Some yogi nipple clamps.
*Making fun of midgets, a staple of crappy movies.
*Alligator soup, which is barely better than “monkey brains” from Indiana Jones.
*Gliding, like he’s just one step away from a flying carpet. Because Indians are the same as Arabs are the same as Alladdin (this in particular pissed me off in a recent Fed Ex commercial. I’d write a post, except the ad isn’t on the air anymore).
*Elephants everywhere. All brown people are required to have one, after all.

Other blogs have covered the general issues bundled with the release of this film, such as Stuff Indians Like asking about desis’ tacit acceptance of stereotypes, the origins of this character thanks to Ultrabrown, and Uber Desi’s examination of the CNN article and the possible furor the movie could bring. That last one in particular, a post by Runa titled “The Hindoos are coming!”, is an interesting read because it rightfully questions who the studios see as the Hindu mouthpiece and wonders if a movie this stupid actually will affect people’s opinions about Hindus.

We delve into something else: how offended should we feel?

Because in a strange way, The Love Guru might be exactly what we want.