Desi Manifesto Blog: The Forum for South Asian American Men

[Blogger: S.I.] In our typically brutally honest and comically crude fashion, we present to you the conclusion of our “Sapna Saga,” which posits some interesting lessons for desi women AND, more emphatically, desi men. The truth is indeed ugly.

Sonny: getting back to the doctor

she even admitted that, having a brother

she understood where the indian man was coming from

but that she and a lot of girls she knew

well they couldn’t help being attracted to who they are attracted to

Hari’s act in DC.

[Blogger: S.I.] I know many of you already have heard of Hari Kondabolu, but I only recently got wind of this up-and-coming Indian comic. And so far, I like what I hear.

Angry South Asian man ranting about the very topics that plague my embittered mind?

That’ll do.

[Blogger: S.I.] Our last entry focused on how being brown in the West of the US makes for difficult interracial scenarios.

But enough dealing with foreign affairs. We have multitudes of domestic problems that we can’t solve yet.

We know it’s true, and there are so many examples, but at times even we forget the burden we bear. Until reality sees fit to remind us…

Sonny: well so i was at my friend’s house

we were just playing poker

having some drinks

shooting the shit

etc

just a chill night

and so we have this friend Pete

he’s the nicest guy in the world

like this is a guy who would give you the shirt off his back

even if it was the last thing he had

but his life is just a mess

he has a shitty job

he’s sick all the time

has a lot of health problems

and he’s fiscally irresponsible

due to the fact that his parents

are very wealthy

so he always figures they’ll bail him out

so anyway

one of my friends

was there with his gf

who’s asian

and she’s like “where’s Pete, i wanted to set him up with my friend Sapna”

We hear money greatly increases a desi man’s
chances of dating a white woman.

[Blogger: S.I.] Terribly remiss in posting, but we’ve been busy. However, this little tidbit should keep you going.

It’s all based on the theory that in the US, Indian men have a harder time finding women than white men. Even assuming equal looks, coolness, popularity, etc., it simply will be harder for a brown man because we are not considered “the ideal,” or even sexual beings at times.

This is not a complaint. This is just how it is. It’s the US, a white country, and we accept that. Moreover, we’ve found that East Coast cities and big cities in the midwest, like the always-welcoming Chicago, give the desi man a much better shot than places out west, such as Las Vegas (where Sonny lives) and LA (where I live).

We’ve run it by other minorities, and they agree. We’ve run it by our white friends, and they will come up with any reason to act like it doesn’t exist. I guess they don’t want the cognitive dissonance of knowing that there are determinations made based on race and that they have an advantage in some regards, even though they don’t think of themselves as racially anything.

Read the ugly truth and see for yourself.

Sonny: btw

my friend’s fiancé

agreed with our theory 100%

every single guy in there

was like “dude you’re full of shit, stop making excuses”

so i said

“ok fine, let’s get the girls’ opinions”

The “Foreign Face” and those who fight against it.

[Blogger: S.I.] The last couple months, I’ve been making a concerted effort to get out of the house and away from work, meet people, and socialize. Getting to know some of the people of LA. On the whole, it’s gone quite well, I’ve made some new friends, contacts, etc.

But one part of the social milieu that’s often overlooked by most Westerners can in fact be a make-or-break point for people like us: the introduction.

Our hero, S.I., and Random Girl have been speaking for a few minutes. Amiable conversation.

S.I.: “Hey, what’s your name, by the way?”

Random Girl: “It’s Random Girl.”

S.I.: “Nice to meet you Random Girl. I’m (insert my easy-to-say Indian name here. Not the easiest ever, but definitely on the easy side).

Random Girl: “Uh…”

He watches in horror as her expression contorts into the “Foreign Face.” Her eyes crinkle, her upper lip sneers, her teeth show, her brows furrow, and her tongue is at the ready, should it need to roll, flip, or click.

Random Girl (shrugging with delayed head nod in anticipation): “(Insert mauled remains of my name here)?? (Insert variation of my name’s mauled remains here)???”

S.I. (defeated smile): “You can just call me (insert monosyllabic American version of my name here).”

The conversation was never the same again.

[Blogger: S.I.] We’ve been delinquent. It’s a very busy time in the lives of the Desi Manifesto crew. Of course, if we had more people to blog, there wouldn’t be lag like this, would there? I put the blame squarely on you.

In the last few weeks, I’ve encountered snippets of race-related situations, and even I had a lot of trouble deciding whether I considered them racist or not. It’s the same way people feel about logos such as the one to the right.

So I throw them out to you for some feedback.

LASIK AND EYE OPENING COMMENTS

I recently got LASIK performed at a prominent clinic in LA. Highly ranked doctors, technicians, etc. A few days before the procedure, I underwent an extremely detailed eye exam, including dilating of the pupils.

As the tech tilted my head back to instill the drops, she noticed how easy it was. She said: “Oh, you have such big eyes, it’s so easy to put in the drops. You’re not going to have a problem at all. Not like our Asian patients with those tiny eyes.”

Racist or not? You could take it as her just stating a basic physical fact that we all observe, which is Asians having eyes that generally don’t have the same surface area as other races.

Or, you could take it as her dissing Asians or employing one of the most basic stereotypes about their race.

It wasn’t easy for me to decide, either.

Can you feel the power? What about you, “Miss Mantra”?

[Blogger: S.I.] It’s been two weeks. We know. We’re sorry. We had things to do. But that doesn’t mean we stopped loving you.

Mike Myers’ movie “The Love Guru” flopped last weekend, assuming the “downward spiraling dog” pose, and this coming weekend’s box office receipts should shut the lid on that coffin. Well done, even if we weren’t sure whether it helped or hurt desis in the US.

This monumental failure dredged up memories of my encounter a few years ago with a real life love guru, and the hilarity that ensued. No, he wasn’t about “love” directly, but he proffered all the intangible accoutrements of spirituality.

Fake? Hack? Snake oil salesman? Charlatan? Scam artist?

No no, please call him Maha Rishi.

That’s right. “Maha”=Great. “Rishi”=Sage, who is in effect a great wise one.

Great Great Wise One.

His credentials were outstanding. He came highly recommended from Professor Really Smart Professor, Ph.D. He’s the best they have at UCLAUC.

Sigh. Welcome to So Cal.

Yes, Padma is in this edition of the Dose. Not that we ever should have
to justify putting up an image of her.

[Blogger: S.I.] Back with our own readable “mixture” to munch on between meals.

* The quirky and forward-thinking Canadian TV (CBC) show, “Little Mosque on the Prairie,” is being adapted (and potentially ruined) by FOX. Even if it doesn’t make it to air, this is progress. Unless it’s some kind of feeder for “24″ villains and post 9-11 rage. Ugh. Props to writer Zarqa Nawaz, as she has created a show unlike anything currently around, yet very familiar. The desi moment is that she’s of Pakistani origin, BTW.

And she answered some questions after the pilot aired. Watch the pilot (takes a long time to load). [Thanks Nirali Magazine]

* An Indian with the highest GPA in school history, graduating in just three years. And she ISN’T allowed to be valedictorian. I’d say “frickin’ Texas,” but because half of you likely are from Sugarland, I won’t. [Thanks Angry Asian Man]