Desi Manifesto Blog: The Forum for South Asian American Men

[Blogger: S.I.] The last couple months, I’ve been making a concerted effort to get out of the house and away from work, meet people, and socialize. Getting to know some of the people of LA. On the whole, it’s gone quite well, I’ve made some new friends, contacts, etc.

But one part of the social milieu that’s often overlooked by most Westerners can in fact be a make-or-break point for people like us: the introduction.

Our hero, S.I., and Random Girl have been speaking for a few minutes. Amiable conversation.

S.I.: “Hey, what’s your name, by the way?”

Random Girl: “It’s Random Girl.”

S.I.: “Nice to meet you Random Girl. I’m (insert my easy-to-say Indian name here. Not the easiest ever, but definitely on the easy side).

Random Girl: “Uh…”

He watches in horror as her expression contorts into the “Foreign Face.” Her eyes crinkle, her upper lip sneers, her teeth show, her brows furrow, and her tongue is at the ready, should it need to roll, flip, or click.

“The Love Guru” flopped last weekend, assuming the “downward spiraling dog” pose, and this coming weekend’s box office receipts should shut the lid on that coffin. Well done.

This monumental failure dredged up memories of my encounter a few years ago with a real life love guru, and the hilarity that ensued. No, he wasn’t about “love” directly, but he proffered all the intangible accoutrements of spirituality.

Fake? Hack? Snake oil salesman? Charlatan? Scam artist?

No no, please call him Maha Rishi.

[PART 2 OF 2] TO ALTER the course of my thinking, Former-DM Gal inquired how our parents ever would have found a place if everyone thought like me.

I reflected. Our parents needed a start somewhere too. They also were clean and considerate and not morons, therefore they would have responded to the initial inquiries in the posting properly.

But this wasn’t enough to get me off the hook, was it? I condemned the LA redneck, yet I saw an international student, then a fellow brown man, and I did the same thing. I felt at peace with it because I “know” the difference. I have a better feeling for who would be dirty, flaky, and inconsiderate. But even taking my Indian knowledge into account, am I being fair from one person to another?

Former-DM Gal said maybe I should give the guy a chance. I didn’t know him personally. Checking my email later, as I wondered if perhaps she were right:

Hay please contact me on 310-806-2649

Nitin Tabu

But I knew enough. I’m sharing my living space, and if he flakes, I’m paying double rent.

Fair ends at my emaciated wallet.

[PART 1 OF 2] I LIKENED THE JOURNEY of finding a new roommate to being a female inmate in a maximum security prison, locked in a death match with a hefty con named Big Sally, beating one another senseless with food-specked lunch trays until one of us no longer can stand.

This is what it was like when I looked for a roommate on Craigslist.org and encountered, and even generated, racism.

So we’re all aware of the typically Hollywood, over-the-top premise of The Love Guru and why it could (should, and probably will) offend Hindus and Indians in general.

We delve into something else: how offended should we feel?

Because in a strange way, The Love Guru might be exactly what we want.

Remember our article on gigolos in India, women, and sex?

A handful of other people may remember too, for the wrong reasons. Or at least, not the reasons we intended. As it turns out, the content of that post triggers many hits for people searching for “indian”, “aunties”, and “sex” in a very different context.

To find Desi Manifesto Blog, just google:

* aunty looking men(address and no.)

* aunties in sex desire

* indian aunties cheating

* i am a gigolo in new delhi. how can i find the customers? [Who among us hasn't asked this before?]

Part-time gang banger Professor Sudhir Venkatesh, the ‘rogue’ sociologist from Columbia University, is making his foray into Tinseltown. Paramount Vantage has optioned his book, Gang Leader for a Day, and Sudhir has been set up with the team behind Hustle & Flow and Black Snake Moan: producer Stephanie Allain and director Craig Brewer, along with writer and “Sopranos” alum Michael Caleo.

Let’s play ‘How Can Hollywood Ruin This Movie?’

ON CASTING…

DM: So, the first thing we’d all like to know is, who are you guys looking at for the lead role?

HWE: You know, it depends on the budget. High budget, Denzel. Medium budget, Will Smith. Low budget and no award potential? Cuba Gooding. Direct to DVD? Hmmm… Wesley Snipes?

DM: …I uh… But, what about for the main character? You know, Sudhir Venkatesh?

HWE: ……Oh…

I think somewhere in my brain, an older Indian national represents India herself. Like my parents, someone like him is the closest I have to the motherland, and by extension, the history and the culture. Except, Garage Uncle is not required to like me.