Desi Manifesto Blog: The Forum for South Asian American Men

[Blogger: S.I.] In our typically brutally honest and comically crude fashion, we present to you the conclusion of our “Sapna Saga,” which posits some interesting lessons for desi women AND, more emphatically, desi men. The truth is indeed ugly.

We have multitudes of domestic problems, but at times even we forget the burden we bear. Until reality, in the form of self-hating Indian women, sees fit to remind us…

We’ve run it by other minorities, and they agree. We’ve run it by our white friends, and they will come up with any reason to act like it doesn’t exist. I guess they don’t want the cognitive dissonance of knowing that there are determinations made based on race and that they have an advantage in some regards, even though they don’t think of themselves as racially anything.

Read the ugly truth and see for yourself.

Sonny: btw

my friend’s fiancé

agreed with our theory 100%

every single guy in there

was like “dude you’re full of shit, stop making excuses”

so i said

“ok fine, let’s get the girls’ opinions”

[Blogger: S.I.] The last couple months, I’ve been making a concerted effort to get out of the house and away from work, meet people, and socialize. Getting to know some of the people of LA. On the whole, it’s gone quite well, I’ve made some new friends, contacts, etc.

But one part of the social milieu that’s often overlooked by most Westerners can in fact be a make-or-break point for people like us: the introduction.

Our hero, S.I., and Random Girl have been speaking for a few minutes. Amiable conversation.

S.I.: “Hey, what’s your name, by the way?”

Random Girl: “It’s Random Girl.”

S.I.: “Nice to meet you Random Girl. I’m (insert my easy-to-say Indian name here. Not the easiest ever, but definitely on the easy side).

Random Girl: “Uh…”

He watches in horror as her expression contorts into the “Foreign Face.” Her eyes crinkle, her upper lip sneers, her teeth show, her brows furrow, and her tongue is at the ready, should it need to roll, flip, or click.

The other day, my buddy Bala224 (whom you all know by now) sent me an interesting advice column called ‘Dear Prudence’ on Slate.com. In it, Prudie did not live up to her namesake, advising the conflicted young Indian male ‘Curry and French Fries’ to stand up to his parents, who had been ice cold towards the idea of his white girlfriend.Despite her picture frightening me (she looks like a woman who stared at me in horror in West Virginia when I stopped for gas on my way through), I applaud her response. The title of our post, which actually was the title of her post, was a good sign that her advice might be worthwhile. You’ll see she advocates that ‘Curry’ stand up to his parents to support the woman he loves, whether they like it or not.

Bala224 and I dished out our advice on the matter as well, in our typically offensive (but somewhat enlightening) fashion.

Spoiler alert: lots of references to people being genitals, needing genitals, etc.

I mean, here we are, starving for brown women, and these cats back in the motherland are getting paid to lay them. At least someone’s paying the rent. And looking at these genetic jackhammers in the photo, the average (or even kind of below average) desi man would decry his exclusion from this “has sex with Indian women–more than once–while earning the rupees” club.

But, put your dandiya down, step back, and ponder. As funny as this looks, it could signal a change in India’s culture and future.

As it’s a new year (well, not if you follow the Hindu Calendar), I figured it would be appropriate to draw up some resolutions for myself and desi fellows in general… Much like the electric rickshaw to the right, it’s all about modifying what works and dropping those things that pollute you. Or something more clever than that.

I resolve…

And that’s why, Parul said, Sonny should forget about Indian women. She told him to look outside the race. And if he really wanted an Indian girl, he’d have to go for an open-minded one. “The kind,” she said, “who dates white guys.”

He could barely keep down his beer nuts.