Desi Manifesto Blog: The Forum for South Asian American Men

[Blogger: S.I.] The last couple months, I’ve been making a concerted effort to get out of the house and away from work, meet people, and socialize. Getting to know some of the people of LA. On the whole, it’s gone quite well, I’ve made some new friends, contacts, etc.

But one part of the social milieu that’s often overlooked by most Westerners can in fact be a make-or-break point for people like us: the introduction.

Our hero, S.I., and Random Girl have been speaking for a few minutes. Amiable conversation.

S.I.: “Hey, what’s your name, by the way?”

Random Girl: “It’s Random Girl.”

S.I.: “Nice to meet you Random Girl. I’m (insert my easy-to-say Indian name here. Not the easiest ever, but definitely on the easy side).

Random Girl: “Uh…”

He watches in horror as her expression contorts into the “Foreign Face.” Her eyes crinkle, her upper lip sneers, her teeth show, her brows furrow, and her tongue is at the ready, should it need to roll, flip, or click.

[Blogger: S.I.] We’ve been delinquent. It’s a very busy time in the lives of the Desi Manifesto crew. Of course, if we had more people to blog, there wouldn’t be lag like this, would there? I put the blame squarely on you.

In the last few weeks, I’ve encountered snippets of race-related situations, and even I had a lot of trouble deciding whether I considered them racist or not. So I throw them out to you for some feedback.

LASIK AND EYE OPENING COMMENTS

I recently got LASIK performed at a prominent clinic in LA. Highly ranked doctors, technicians, etc. A few days before the procedure, I underwent an extremely detailed eye exam, including dilating of the pupils.

As the tech tilted my head back to instill the drops, she noticed how easy it was. She said: “Oh, you have such big eyes, it’s so easy to put in the drops. You’re not going to have a problem at all. Not like our Asian patients with those tiny eyes.”

“The Love Guru” flopped last weekend, assuming the “downward spiraling dog” pose, and this coming weekend’s box office receipts should shut the lid on that coffin. Well done.

This monumental failure dredged up memories of my encounter a few years ago with a real life love guru, and the hilarity that ensued. No, he wasn’t about “love” directly, but he proffered all the intangible accoutrements of spirituality.

Fake? Hack? Snake oil salesman? Charlatan? Scam artist?

No no, please call him Maha Rishi.

But the willingness to oversimplify other people who are considered non-white, the idea that it’s only offensive if someone hears (and only when it’s someone of that particular “lumped together” identity), and the flawed understanding that minorities are treated differently solely based on numbers… That’s the white America I know.

As I removed my lunch from the microwave, another co-worker approached me, inhaling the aroma deeply. I awaited another compliment. Instead, I got, “Is that your curry?” …My face contorted in disgust. …Why the visceral reaction?

A few hours later, it hit me: “curry” is the n-word of Indian food.

As it’s a new year (well, not if you follow the Hindu Calendar), I figured it would be appropriate to draw up some resolutions for myself and desi fellows in general… Much like the electric rickshaw to the right, it’s all about modifying what works and dropping those things that pollute you. Or something more clever than that.

I resolve…

But, like most situations, it’s not all brown and white. There are many shades of gray. Just because an Indo girl goes white, does it mean she’s a sellout? Well, I’ve met Indian girls who have said, “I don’t date Indian guys,” or “Indian guys just can’t be hot.” Net worth = 0. But there are some who have dated white guys and also Indian guys, and are open to both. Is that a different situation? Absolutely. Still infuriating? Depends how hot she is.

Now, to be fair, Shilpa Shetty didn’t request that Richard Gere kiss her. But she laughed it up, probably trying to play it off. Was it really a big deal? Not really, though it was an unwanted advance… Had the man been Indian, would they have cared? And have you ever felt like pitching a fit when you see an attractive South Asian girl being caressed/stroked/fondled by a Richard Gere type? I grapple with this hypocrisy of mine every day.