Guess Who’s Coming to Diwali
April 29th, 2008
What you don’t see is his umbilical cord, still attached to mama.
[Blogger: S.I.] The other day, my buddy Bala224 (whom you all know by now) sent me an interesting advice column called ‘Dear Prudence’ on Slate.com. In it, Prudie did not live up to her namesake, advising the conflicted young Indian male ‘Curry and French Fries’ to stand up to his parents, who had been ice cold towards the idea of his white girlfriend.
Despite her picture frightening me (she looks like a woman who stared at me in horror in West Virginia when I stopped for gas on my way through), I applaud her response. The title of our post, which actually was the title of her post, was a good sign that her advice might be worthwhile. You’ll see she advocates that ‘Curry’ stand up to his parents to support the woman he loves, whether they like it or not.
Bala224 and I dished out our advice on the matter as well, in our typically offensive (but somewhat enlightening) fashion.
Spoiler alert: lots of references to people being genitals, needing genitals, etc.
Bala224: sup
this article is all up in your wheelhouse
me: I support him
reverse colonization
I thought it was the other way around at first
I was about to disown them
really, his parents will prob fuck it up for him
a la our friend Samir
and Alice
though that pairing
may not have lasted anyway
um btw
how did you find this article?
Bala224: oh
my boss sent it to me
and asked if i date white women
hahaha
but yeah
i agree with what she said in the article
what a fucking vag
have some balls
you’re 25 years old
if you love this girl
and you want to be with her
then stand up to your fucking parents
i think this is a big problem among indian men
they just turn into vagines when having to confront their parents
me: hahaha
Bala224: it feeds into the whole stereotype that indian guys are mamas’ boys
which is what a lot of indo girls complain about
me: they have to realize
that many of these indo parents
really will make life miserable
for the bride
period
even if she’s not white, even if she’s an Indo girl they don’t like
Bala224: so
peace?
done?
me: it’s the same as white folks
mother in law stories
etc.
you have to be prepared for that
Bala224: yeah
i mean the question is
your parents are going to be dead soon
that’s just life
you have to live your life
and be happy
once they’re gone
me: some ppl just can’t be happy with displeasing their parents
more than a few Indo males we know
Bala224: yeah i think that’s gay
me: hahaha
Bala224: and you can quote me on that
me: oh I am
your ass is getting posted
Bala224: i understand wanting to please your parents
but not at the cost of forfeiting a girl you really love
now if you don’t feel that strongly about her
fine
me: exactly
I don’t know
if this guy
wishy washy
knows where he stands
Bala224: yeah
agreed
question as always
“is she worth it”
it could be that he doesn’t deem her worthy enough to fight for
if in fact he’s so easily dissuaded
he needs to grow up
me: he has to understand that he’s going to get flack no matter what he does
he can break up with her
and feel like shit
he can continue with the relationship as is
and piss off his girl more
til she drops his ass
or he can man up
and tell his parents that this is how it is
however
he can NOT expect them
to ever get over it
Prudence’s advice
is from an American perspective
it doesn’t really work like that in Indian families all that often
unless it’s in Bollywood
freaking Prudie
not living up to her namesake
but yeah he needs to come to grips
with what he’s willing to sacrifice
because he’s going to lose one of these relationships
period
or have one irreparably altered
if she’s worth that
and if a disconnected future with his parents is worth that
and absentee grandparents yada yada
then go for it
but he was born in India
he’s not quite so carefree and gung-ho about the notion of love as the US born among us
Bala224: well i was born in india as well
only came here when i was 7
me: yeah but you lived everywhere
in between
and your rents were far from traditional
to begin with
much like mine
we never would have had the “traditional” mindset even living in India [both our families had love marriages]
Bala224: true
i think my parents just assumed
or accepted rather
that the white woman
was a possibility
they were never in denial about it
me: yeah
haha
mine too
they knew that came
with living in the US
Bala224: yeah
you live in this country
it’s a possibility
a slim one
me: hahaha
unless she’s got a fetish
but yes
Bala224: and like prudie said
they want all the freedoms here
but not some of the cultural drawbacks
me: part and parcel
it’s like those Indos who use everything the US has to offer
then talk smack about how bad the US is
there’s a reason they fucking left India
to come here
Bala224: ya
me: Our own advice to this cat
grow a set
Bala224: i’m just tired of those among us
and by us i mean indian men
who so willingly submit to the stereotypes that plague us
it’s like dirk in a big game [NBA talk]
so willing to allow himself to be taken out
i’m like the indian bill cosby
calling our ppl out
from the inside
we need to do better
me: nowadays, more like the Indo Charles Barkley
but take that as a compliment
As always, what do you readers think?
And does the name ‘Curry and French Fries’ bother you? Come on, must we also simplify ourselves to being “curry”? Not even masala?
You wishy washy bastard. Grow a set.
UPDATE: Sepia Mutiny has gotten some very nice feedback on their open-ended post about the same article. Some heart-warming stories in there worth the read.
Tags: Assimilation Issues, Marriage, Parents
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April 29th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
seriously, this is my biggest problem with indo-american guys (and indo-american adults from my generation) who don’t know how to act like adults.
however, it’s a value that our parents teach us at a very, very young age: i realize that many desis still feel obligated towards their parents and want to maintain a relationship with them.
April 30th, 2008 at 10:00 am
It should be understood by most South Asian immigrants that if they have children in the United States, those children will look at Americans, whether they are white, Latino, Asian, Native American, or *gasp* black, as potential mates. If they are uncomfortable with that, they will have to move elsewhere or stay in India.
May 5th, 2008 at 8:56 am
What’s with this “vag” and “grow a pair” talk?
Someone who people who can’t stand up for themselves are “vaginas”?
What the hell kind of a sexist comment is that???
You desi guys really do need to grow a pair……………….. of ovaries!!!!
May 5th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I can’t say I personally advocate Bala224’s choice of terminology. Hence the warning about this being offensive. But it’s colloquial, and he’s really all about equality actually. Anyway, being called a dick isn’t a glowing compliment either (not that we care).
No one wants to be genitals. It’s all about the universal truths that unite us on this blog.
And this ‘Curry’ guy DOES need to grow a pair.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Reading the old books written by British observers during India’s British Raj era has offended some modern day desi with comments like, "the Indian is forever like a child" and "the Indian male is astonishingly effeminate", etc. Look at it like this; it’s 2008 and desi guys, in the west even, are still writing letters like the one to Prudie, so what to speak of a couple of hundred years ago in India itself, how juvenile your average Indian adult must’ve come across, being that the very large extended family would’ve had even more psychological (and physical) hold over each individual member.
As far as "effeminate" - it is one of the first things many observe upon travelling in India. The men have a machismo attitude (male privilege) encased in a weak and fragile frame that runs in fear of the first woman that stands up to their crap. What to speak of the PDAs expressed between males there, often expressed in ways that would make the transexuals here who often have to undergo professional training to master, turn green with envy!
All of this makes the average desi male not a "great catch" in the eyes of us desi females.
Sorry to be so blunt, but deal with it.
It’s one thing to honor the opinions and advice of one’s elders, especially loved ones like parents. But it’s another thing to mold one’s life and future entirely around their obviously out of date and ethically reprehensible views.
Either you stand for something or you don’t.
When will the desi male start to stand proudly for the woman he loves?
December 12th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Done stereotyping desis who love their mama? let me add one…Guys who are attached to their family especially mamas are more likely “keepers”. I’m not sure if the (amercian born) girls really look for “keepers” or “hoppers” when they search for life(?) partners. If the girl is serious about settling down, she shouldn’t really mind the guy loving his family. In fact, she should be glad, because once married it’s really hard for this guy to break the relationship. Perhaps that’s not what the girls here look for, I don’t know. If the guy in love with says he can’t marry because of so-and-so in his family, It really questions the girls’ understanding of their relationship. Didn’t she see it coming, when in love? Girls have a better chance if they stop blaming guys’ mamas and start thinking how to make it work. Think about it. It’s really too much to ask (atleast an Indian-born) the guy to forget his family the moment they are in love. I have seen a white girl who fought and married this greek guy and adjust with his big greek family. If one doesn’t know how their partner will react in X,Y,Z situations, then it isn’t a matured love.
December 17th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Nobody is against family love or ma prem, but when even the Indian girls back in India do not want to marry a guy who has not cut the umbilical cord from his navel, then it’s ridiculous to expect American born desi girls’ panties to get wet over the idea of living with her mother in law, or having to phone her every day of the week.