Desi Manifesto Blog: The Forum for South Asian American Men

My roommate situation gets uglier by the day.

[Blogger: S.I.] Note: Personally identifying info has been changed to protect privacy.

This is Part 2 of my search for a roommate and the revelations therein. Read Part 1.

TO ALTER the course of my thinking, Former-DM Gal inquired how our parents ever would have found a place if everyone thought like me.

I reflected. Our parents needed a start somewhere too. They also were clean and considerate and not morons, therefore they would have responded to the initial inquiries in the posting properly.

But this wasn’t enough to get me off the hook, was it? I condemned the LA redneck, yet I saw an international student, then a fellow brown man, and I did the same thing. I felt at peace with it because I “know” the difference. I have a better feeling for who would be dirty, flaky, and inconsiderate. But even taking my Indian knowledge into account, am I being fair from one person to another?

Former-DM Gal said maybe I should give the guy a chance. I didn’t know him personally. Checking my email later, as I wondered if perhaps she were right:

Hay please contact me on 310-806-2649

Nitin Tabu

But I knew enough. I’m sharing my living space, and if he flakes, I’m paying double rent.

Fair ends at my emaciated wallet.

“Hay”?

Over.

DESPERATION became my subletter. And another Indo chimed in:

Hey your apartment seems pretty awesome. So I’m 28 and male. I’m originally from DC, born and raised. I went to UNC and majored in IT. But soon after I made a career change to post production since I always liked that stuff. So now I’m an editor and edit mostly for ABC and Discovery, promos. I enjoy hiking, skiing, tennis, and mostly everything outdoors. I’m a active guy with an outgoing personality. I’m clean about how I live, I think the most you might see are random clothes laying around my room during my disaster work weeks.

Too good to be true? Apparently. Because once I contacted him, he disappeared. Maybe he was around, but in typical desi fashion, he took his sweet time.

First his reply, next his rent? That shit ain’t gonna fly.

Big Sally, you’re one heartless bitch bastard.

I WONDERED what among my property the movers would break when my luck turned. I was being courted by a stem cell researcher (!) and a new young doctor (!!). I’ve never felt more like a prospective bride. “Betaaaa… he just finished med schooool!”

I was immediately roommate-ishly attracted to the doc, RoomShaadi.com style. When I mentioned him, even my mom demanded that I “get him get him!”

The researcher had to drop out, but I had the big fish, right? Kind of. He had me on hold. Such an eligible bachelor surely had his options, and I was but one Rupali in a sea of Radhas, Rekhas, and Roshnis.

That didn’t stop my other freshly-imported suitors though:

I am intrested in your apartment can you please send me pics. Also do you have some lease and if so, how long. I am working near fairfax/santa monica and have done my MS from LA itself.

About me:Gender: Male
Age: 26
Occupation: I work fulltime at a financial firm downtown

Thanks,
Jayant Patel

Ohhh, you work at a financial firm? Well hold on while I bend over backwards for you! Because that’s all the info I need, right? I don’t need to know if you’re nice, considerate, clean, drug-free, or responsible. Why would I? You’re a baller who works at a financial firm. Full time no less! Come on in and relax, I’ll roll the chapatis!

How selfish are these guys? It’s all about them, not what they offer the household or me. I’m not a damn hotel you fools, I have to live with you. As Former-DM Gal said, imagine the plight of the women who have to marry these guys. Woe is she who must suffer at the hands of one of these spoiled self-serving typical Indian men.

Bastards!

MY SEARCH hadn’t gotten me much closer to a roommate. It did, however, uncover some truths about my way of thinking.

And at the end of it all, I concluded that my discrimination was fair. Had these guys written in perfect English and been white, it wouldn’t have mattered. There’s no way I’m letting bums without jobs, prospects, or people skills room with me.

As for Indians and internationals, I was an RA in college, and I feel like I have enough experience (both personal and on-the-job) with and knowledge of them to fill in some of the blanks, especially with these specific interactions.

Not fair, some would say. Well, if you see a skunk with its tail pointed at you, it may not spray. But from all the people who have been in that situation and been hosed, it’s a fair assumption. You’re not saying all skunks are bad under all circumstances–but you’d be stupid to ignore an obvious conclusion from the same set of conditions. Especially when you have something to lose (as I did with the possibility of paying extra rent money, having my stuff used and abused, etc.).

The LA redneck had every right to be pissed with the Indo who ripped him off. He also had every right to say who he personally would not accept as a roommate. But for him to expand his assumptions to say that all Indians do or do not do X, Y, and Z–that’s where he couldn’t tread logically.

I am no redneck. My conclusions are based on knowledge and experience of a larger sample size and real interactions with different people. His are based on one stinky guy, being victimized, and a bathroom that will never be the same.

We can’t be so blind to the realities of life that we pretend all people are equal in the exact same ways. We know we’re not, and that’s cool and enjoyable. We can attribute much of it to inequities or simply being raised different ways. But to appreciate differences, we have to acknowledge that they exist. I based my housing choices on those differences.

And I can live with that.

AS FOR THE FINALE to my search for housing? I was the luckiest desi bride in the land.

That’s right, all you aunties and uncles: I landed the doctor.

And all it cost me for dowry was my parking space.