Desi Manifesto Blog: The Forum for South Asian American Men

“The Love Guru” flopped last weekend, assuming the “downward spiraling dog” pose, and this coming weekend’s box office receipts should shut the lid on that coffin. Well done.

This monumental failure dredged up memories of my encounter a few years ago with a real life love guru, and the hilarity that ensued. No, he wasn’t about “love” directly, but he proffered all the intangible accoutrements of spirituality.

Fake? Hack? Snake oil salesman? Charlatan? Scam artist?

No no, please call him Maha Rishi.

[PART 2 OF 2] TO ALTER the course of my thinking, Former-DM Gal inquired how our parents ever would have found a place if everyone thought like me.

I reflected. Our parents needed a start somewhere too. They also were clean and considerate and not morons, therefore they would have responded to the initial inquiries in the posting properly.

But this wasn’t enough to get me off the hook, was it? I condemned the LA redneck, yet I saw an international student, then a fellow brown man, and I did the same thing. I felt at peace with it because I “know” the difference. I have a better feeling for who would be dirty, flaky, and inconsiderate. But even taking my Indian knowledge into account, am I being fair from one person to another?

Former-DM Gal said maybe I should give the guy a chance. I didn’t know him personally. Checking my email later, as I wondered if perhaps she were right:

Hay please contact me on 310-806-2649

Nitin Tabu

But I knew enough. I’m sharing my living space, and if he flakes, I’m paying double rent.

Fair ends at my emaciated wallet.

[PART 1 OF 2] I LIKENED THE JOURNEY of finding a new roommate to being a female inmate in a maximum security prison, locked in a death match with a hefty con named Big Sally, beating one another senseless with food-specked lunch trays until one of us no longer can stand.

This is what it was like when I looked for a roommate on Craigslist.org and encountered, and even generated, racism.

Part-time gang banger Professor Sudhir Venkatesh, the ‘rogue’ sociologist from Columbia University, is making his foray into Tinseltown. Paramount Vantage has optioned his book, Gang Leader for a Day, and Sudhir has been set up with the team behind Hustle & Flow and Black Snake Moan: producer Stephanie Allain and director Craig Brewer, along with writer and “Sopranos” alum Michael Caleo.

Let’s play ‘How Can Hollywood Ruin This Movie?’

ON CASTING…

DM: So, the first thing we’d all like to know is, who are you guys looking at for the lead role?

HWE: You know, it depends on the budget. High budget, Denzel. Medium budget, Will Smith. Low budget and no award potential? Cuba Gooding. Direct to DVD? Hmmm… Wesley Snipes?

DM: …I uh… But, what about for the main character? You know, Sudhir Venkatesh?

HWE: ……Oh…

But the willingness to oversimplify other people who are considered non-white, the idea that it’s only offensive if someone hears (and only when it’s someone of that particular “lumped together” identity), and the flawed understanding that minorities are treated differently solely based on numbers… That’s the white America I know.

As I removed my lunch from the microwave, another co-worker approached me, inhaling the aroma deeply. I awaited another compliment. Instead, I got, “Is that your curry?” …My face contorted in disgust. …Why the visceral reaction?

A few hours later, it hit me: “curry” is the n-word of Indian food.

But, like most situations, it’s not all brown and white. There are many shades of gray. Just because an Indo girl goes white, does it mean she’s a sellout? Well, I’ve met Indian girls who have said, “I don’t date Indian guys,” or “Indian guys just can’t be hot.” Net worth = 0. But there are some who have dated white guys and also Indian guys, and are open to both. Is that a different situation? Absolutely. Still infuriating? Depends how hot she is.

If someone wants to eat at an Indian restaurant, I’m Zagat. If someone’s looking for a yoga recommendation, call me Bikram, and do I know of any good places (no, I don’t, but I want to try it sometime)? I’m also the Ebert of Bollywood as well as president of the Kal Penn fan club. And if people recently ate Indian food, they often envision that I can identify what they consumed with descriptions that include “spicy,” “orange,” “chewy but not meat,” and “potato.”