Desi Manifesto Blog: The Forum for South Asian American Men

[Blogger: S.I.] We’ve been delinquent. It’s a very busy time in the lives of the Desi Manifesto crew. Of course, if we had more people to blog, there wouldn’t be lag like this, would there? I put the blame squarely on you.

In the last few weeks, I’ve encountered snippets of race-related situations, and even I had a lot of trouble deciding whether I considered them racist or not. So I throw them out to you for some feedback.

LASIK AND EYE OPENING COMMENTS

I recently got LASIK performed at a prominent clinic in LA. Highly ranked doctors, technicians, etc. A few days before the procedure, I underwent an extremely detailed eye exam, including dilating of the pupils.

As the tech tilted my head back to instill the drops, she noticed how easy it was. She said: “Oh, you have such big eyes, it’s so easy to put in the drops. You’re not going to have a problem at all. Not like our Asian patients with those tiny eyes.”

“The Love Guru” flopped last weekend, assuming the “downward spiraling dog” pose, and this coming weekend’s box office receipts should shut the lid on that coffin. Well done.

This monumental failure dredged up memories of my encounter a few years ago with a real life love guru, and the hilarity that ensued. No, he wasn’t about “love” directly, but he proffered all the intangible accoutrements of spirituality.

Fake? Hack? Snake oil salesman? Charlatan? Scam artist?

No no, please call him Maha Rishi.

[PART 2 OF 2] TO ALTER the course of my thinking, Former-DM Gal inquired how our parents ever would have found a place if everyone thought like me.

I reflected. Our parents needed a start somewhere too. They also were clean and considerate and not morons, therefore they would have responded to the initial inquiries in the posting properly.

But this wasn’t enough to get me off the hook, was it? I condemned the LA redneck, yet I saw an international student, then a fellow brown man, and I did the same thing. I felt at peace with it because I “know” the difference. I have a better feeling for who would be dirty, flaky, and inconsiderate. But even taking my Indian knowledge into account, am I being fair from one person to another?

Former-DM Gal said maybe I should give the guy a chance. I didn’t know him personally. Checking my email later, as I wondered if perhaps she were right:

Hay please contact me on 310-806-2649

Nitin Tabu

But I knew enough. I’m sharing my living space, and if he flakes, I’m paying double rent.

Fair ends at my emaciated wallet.

[PART 1 OF 2] I LIKENED THE JOURNEY of finding a new roommate to being a female inmate in a maximum security prison, locked in a death match with a hefty con named Big Sally, beating one another senseless with food-specked lunch trays until one of us no longer can stand.

This is what it was like when I looked for a roommate on Craigslist.org and encountered, and even generated, racism.

* Adhir Kalyan, whom we blogged about in our review of the CW’s “Aliens in America,” bagged a role as an up-and-coming wunderkind doctor on FX’s “Nip/Tuck.” Amazingly, the writers of the show displayed their all-world creativity when they named the character “Raj.” On a happier note, that boy is going to get LAID, both on the program and in real life, because of his role on that show. It’s LA, you know. And I 100% support the sexual objectification of the Indian male by women as well as the resulting residual play from the trickle-down effect. [Thanks Angry Asian Man]

Reader P’s story of “the burrito”: P is an Indian guy in his early to mid 20s in LA. Works in a corporate-ish building, though his company is relatively relaxed in dress code.

During lunch break, he grabbed some food to go and made his way back to the office. As he rode the elevator up, bag with food in hand, the door opened and another building worker (different company) entered…

“Well she was a white woman probably in her late 30s. I was coming up from the parking garage and the door opened on the ground floor, I was about to step off but then I stopped and realized it was the wrong floor. She got on the elevator, looked at me and smiled, then said: “Let me guess, you’re delivering a burrito?”

Part-time gang banger Professor Sudhir Venkatesh, the ‘rogue’ sociologist from Columbia University, is making his foray into Tinseltown. Paramount Vantage has optioned his book, Gang Leader for a Day, and Sudhir has been set up with the team behind Hustle & Flow and Black Snake Moan: producer Stephanie Allain and director Craig Brewer, along with writer and “Sopranos” alum Michael Caleo.

Let’s play ‘How Can Hollywood Ruin This Movie?’

ON CASTING…

DM: So, the first thing we’d all like to know is, who are you guys looking at for the lead role?

HWE: You know, it depends on the budget. High budget, Denzel. Medium budget, Will Smith. Low budget and no award potential? Cuba Gooding. Direct to DVD? Hmmm… Wesley Snipes?

DM: …I uh… But, what about for the main character? You know, Sudhir Venkatesh?

HWE: ……Oh…

But the willingness to oversimplify other people who are considered non-white, the idea that it’s only offensive if someone hears (and only when it’s someone of that particular “lumped together” identity), and the flawed understanding that minorities are treated differently solely based on numbers… That’s the white America I know.