The Ugly Truth, Part 2
September 19th, 2008[Blogger: S.I.] Our last entry focused on how being brown in the West of the US makes for difficult interracial scenarios.
But enough dealing with foreign affairs. We have multitudes of domestic problems that we can’t solve yet.
We know it’s true, and there are so many examples, but at times even we forget the burden we bear. Until reality sees fit to remind us…
Sonny: well so i was at my friend’s house
we were just playing poker
having some drinks
shooting the shit
etc
just a chill night
and so we have this friend Pete
he’s the nicest guy in the world
like this is a guy who would give you the shirt off his back
even if it was the last thing he had
but his life is just a mess
he has a shitty job
he’s sick all the time
has a lot of health problems
and he’s fiscally irresponsible
due to the fact that his parents
are very wealthy
so he always figures they’ll bail him out
so anyway
one of my friends
was there with his gf
who’s asian
and she’s like “where’s Pete, i wanted to set him up with my friend Sapna”
so naturally my interest is piqued
so i say
“is she indian”
“yeah, she’s 31 and a doctor”
and my friend (who doesn’t like ethnic women)
says “yeah dude she’s really hot”
so naturally i say
“dude what the fuck”
“fuck Pete, what about me”
in a joking way of course
i mean you have an indian woman
why wouldn’t you think
of another indian
so then she says
“oh…well…um…i uh…she”
“yeah i don’t know if she hmmm….”
finally my friend was like
“she only likes white guys dude, sorry”
“in fact her only stipulation was that the guy not be indian”
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
i can’t lie
it hurt
i know i shouldn’t be surprised by now
but it stings me
on the positive side
finally all my friends were like
“wow i’m beginning to see things from your perspective”
me: this is goddamn blasphemy
at least your boy was able to keep it real
Sonny: yeah
as much as the truth hurts
sometimes it’s good to hear it
and the good thing about it
is that i think my other friends
are starting to understand
the gravity of my dilemma
not mine specifically
but of the indian man
it was funny cuz my other friend was like
“but…i don’t get it”
“why would you NOT want someone who was from the same background”
or rather he said
“why would you want ANYTHING but that”
welcome to the mind of indian women i told him
man i was boiling though
me: yeah well
I don’t blame you
just interrupt their date
be obnoxious
except you like Jed
so you’d want him to score if he could
Sonny: oh
i told him to fuck her and never call her back
me: hahahaha
Sonny: he agreed that was appropriate punishment
Sonny: for her apostasy
me: hahahaha
Sonny: it’s a sad day
when i’m forced to use the very instrumentalities that hasten our destruction as indian men
to settle a score with a wayward, self-hating indo
Then we thought for a moment about what could make her feel this way. We tried to be even-keeled (don’t get used to it). We thought about the skuzzier Indian men we know, and we did make the exception that, if Indian men somehow ruined her life, we’d perhaps understand why she wouldn’t date them. It’s highly likely she has some legit gripes with brown men.
But to allow them to typify the entire race in her mind is unconscionable. If we were to ever say “every single Indian woman’s worthless,” we’d never hear the end of it. In fact, our indignation whenever we encounter self-haters like this reaffirms our belief that we WANT to think differently of Indian women.
But blasphemers like this bring us back to the world we understand. Hot Indian women who refuse to commingle with brown men. Exception or rule?
The jury’s out…
Tags: Assimilation Issues
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September 20th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Move to NYC, we’re waiting for Indian men willing to commit to Indian women here.
September 20th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
My guess is that Sapna had bad experiences with brown guys who thought they could score her based on the common skin color between her and them, and so she’s looking to date outside the race. She’s tired of brown guys who find her attractive but have nothing to offer her, seeing as though she’s a 31-year-old, high-achieving, single physician. Sapna might need a guy who’s willing to match her point for point, and offer her the kind of stimulus that, so far, a brown guy hasn’t been able to offer her.
I actually met a “Sapna” this past summer. The woman was a 32-year-old dermatologist from L.A., and she was looking for a husband. I thought about this woman’s plight: she’s nearing the end of her childbearing years, she’s made what’s most likely an amazing career for herself, she lives in an excellent city, she’s well spoken and attractive, and she really doesn’t NEED a man.
That combination of features will scare away any white-sneaker-wearing FOB, not to mention any ABCD who attended community college while writing furiously on videogame message boards. Rather, the kinds of men that Sapnas are looking for - similar age, levels of achievement, education, family background - I’d say, were snapped up by their late twenties by more predatory brown women who DIDN’T have their heads buried in textbooks during their dating-game years.
The point of my comment isn’t to justify Sapna’s statement, but just to present a possible point of view for her. Lord knows we brown guys have had enough crazy experiences with nutty brown girls.
September 21st, 2008 at 9:48 am
Ah, NYC is the dream, with attractive women of all races for whom an Indian man presents a solid choice, if not a better choice than the average guy.
But, to achieve my dreams, I have to be here in LA. On the plus side, I’m sure I’ll have an uninterrupted stream of rants like this.
And NSK, that’s a pretty decent perspective you have. But still, it’s not easy to find someone that qualified in ANY group, desi or not. So why did she cut out all desi men? If anything, the percentage of those who could match her among desis most likely is HIGHER than other populations. There’s some self-hate going on.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:52 am
S.I,
Very interesting blogsite. Came across this link in Heartcrossings’ blog.
In answer to your question on Sapna, I can only guess. Many men in the Indian community have a lot of hang-ups (don’t know much about American born Indians - ABIs - am an IBI who has lived in the US for 16+ years). Hangups are like this: woman has to be under 30 (this under-30 is a BIG thing), docile enough, not too much into her career, willing to set aside her career for her man etc. Parents have too much say in men’s/women’s lives, and perhaps Sapna was fed up with one too many instance where she was rejected for any of these reasons? Maybe she hasn’t come across forward-thinking brown men, and all of the brown men she has seen are from her parents’ conservative circle, or conservative IBI men who can be a turn-off?
She could also be confused like one of the characters in The Namesake - the lead character’s wife who is an ABI, and a wannabe white. She leaves her ABI husband for a white guy who is no great shakes. So yes, there may be some self-hate going on.
Maybe your best bet is a well-educated, independent thinking IBI woman - who by upbringing is prone to seek out brown men - and who unfortunately intimidates IBI men for being the independent thinker that she is. Just a thought. Good luck!
P.S: The anti-spam math thing is a riot :)