Desi Manifesto Blog: The Forum for South Asian American Men

[Blogger: S.I.] In our typically brutally honest and comically crude fashion, we present to you the conclusion of our “Sapna Saga,” which posits some interesting lessons for desi women AND, more emphatically, desi men. The truth is indeed ugly.

Sonny: getting back to the doctor

she even admitted that, having a brother

she understood where the indian man was coming from

but that she and a lot of girls she knew

well they couldn’t help being attracted to who they are attracted toand it’s true really

me: how easily you of all people abdicate

it’s one thing to say “I think white men are more attractive”

but ruling out an entire race

and her own at that

Sonny: man

just think about this logically

and take away the emotion of it

if that’s what she wants

that’s what she wants

with all these girls i mean

if that’s what they want

do i like it?

no obviously not

but that’s life

me: yes, but it still is bothersome

Sonny: it bothers me

absolutely

but what can we do

it’s biology

it’s nature

now

her experiences with indian guys

well she said herself that she’s open to dating indian guys

but she’s just not attracted to many of them

and the ones she has been attracted to

they had issues

i mean what do you say to that

really at the end of the day

she’s 33

and she will likely die alone

so fuck her

it’s all good

remember if you’re an older single woman

society keeps telling you there’s smthg wrong with you

that you’re unworthy

that you’re lonely and what not

and that wears on you

esp being a single indian woman

so if she really wants to persist with her course of action

go right ahead

it’ll only lead to more pain

therein lies just one of the many advantages of being a man

our bargaining power increases exponentially with age

best thing you can do with such women

is just smile and nod

and move on

me: hahaha

quite the spin doctor

Sonny: well

i guess i’ve gotten past the point

where i let indian girls bother me

hahaha

their behavior doesn’t phase me anymore

it was funny because i think a lot of what she said

she was trying to get a rise out of me

in front of this other girl she was like openly disparaging indian guys

i didn’t take the bait

maybe i’m getting soft in my old age

i wouldn’t have stood for that in the past

me: you are getting soft

Sonny: i just don’t have the energy anymore

i don’t know what it would’ve proved

i would’ve just come off as bitter

it’s not like i would’ve changed her mind anyway

another part of me always kind of felt like

maybe she’s right

i mean shit

she’s 33

she’s dated god knows how many men

me: well once you told me she did her due diligence with the brown men

I ceased seething

Sonny: no you didn’t

but it eased the pain a little bit

it still pisses you off

as it does me

me: all you can do is ask that she try

if they’ve all been terrible

well

that would jade anyone

Sonny: yeah true

but i still don’t like indian women dating outside the race

keep it in house

always

esp in this country where we don’t have many other options

any options really

if we’re in india

fine

date whomever the fuck you want

there is enough indo poon to go around

but here

it’s just adding insult to injury

me: hahaha

we just need to date outside the race more ourselves

which hasn’t been a hangup for either of us

Sonny: well let me put it this way

i would stick to indians

if indian girls stuck to indian men

they’ve forced me into this position

i have no problem keeping it 100% indo

but too many women are race traitors

willingly submit to re-colonization

me: hahahahahah

HAHAHAH

I love that

also

I don’t believe you

if Indo women kept to brown men

but a hot white girl threw it at you

a la your time in the South

you’d plunge

Joe the Plumber style

hahahahha

Sonny: but that’s because i know that hindosluts are lining up to serve their white masters

i’m talking from the beginning

if there was some hypothetical pact

me: HAHAHA

Sonny: i would agree to it and i would respect it

for example if you told me right now

that i would only be able to date indian women

but as a part of that

no indian woman would ever date a white man again

i would take that in a heartbeat

and i would honor my side the deal

The overarching lesson for both sexes: we really do need to treat each other better. Women need to realize that not ALL desi men are the same as the father they found oppressive, the brother they find to be immature, the uncle who’s crass, or the mama’s boys they knew from school. No Indian man actually writes off all Indian women (at least none that we know). Frankly, we believe many brown women lose out unless they keep open minds. To these women, I’d say: no one will understand who you are, your family, your background, and your overall mores, without you even uttering a word, better than a brown man.

Of course, you’re going to be attracted to the people you’re attracted to, and there’s not much to be done about that. But do you know many Indian women who, after meeting a stream of lame white guys, would ever say, “I’m done with white men”? Neither do we. That’s one of our bigger points.

And this might surprise many of our readers, but much of what Sapna said about Indian men… well, we totally agreed. And anyone who has read a large sample of our work knows that we are not fans of the generic Indian male.

So, to our fellow desi men: let’s be frank. Many of us need to shape the fuck up. If you’re looking for someone to take care of you, fawn over you, and clean up after you: go live the fuck at home. It’s time to use your balls somewhere other than the bedroom, which means being responsible for yourself beyond just accruing wealth. If we expect our women to hold down jobs and comport themselves properly in other spheres of life, we gotta walk the walk as well.

And if you are into a girl, but she’s not someone your mom would like, I have good news: your mother doesn’t have to marry her. Does that mean elope? No. But both sides have to understand each other (and your family probably claims that “family is the most important thing,” which means that if you want to marry a girl, she’s going to be family and should be treated like that. Of course, if your family has a lot of hypocrites, which is all too common in the Indian way of life, well, how seriously can you take any complaints?).

And if your parents had an arranged marriage, I wouldn’t follow their advice more than superficially, because I don’t believe they know about pre-marital love and relationships. Stop being scared shitless.

The lesson to be learned here: as Indo dudes, we have to look at ourselves first. Don’t be the greasy, over-gelled, over cologne-d, spoiled, mama’s boy kind of Indo dude that no one really likes, unless you plan on finding a generic Indian princess who is your female equivalent.

We expect more out of our Indian women (though at this point, even having Indian men on their radar makes them overqualified it seems). So we must bring it too.

Quality will attract quality. If both parties take off the blinders.